It's almost Christmas but it really doesn't feel like it at all... maybe it's because i'm back from college and that is just how it will be from now on. I don't know. Maybe it's because most traditions you have growing up seem to fade and it no longer feels familiar. How can everything make me feel so nostalgic, and so unfamiliar all at the same time? I guess that's what the holidays are, all wrapped up together in bows. I miss the excitement. It makes me grasp onto what I have right now so tightly that I suffocate... I keep thinking about my window and how pretty soon it will be sealed and nailed with a screen, preventing me from going out onto the roof (we're selling our house). And then I think about this house being gone, and meeting with the family in random houses that hold no memories, soft or rigid. I think about my kitten Stella that I wouldn't let sleep anywhere but right under my neck for 5 months and then having her disappear to some new home where she probably sleeps on someone else's neck. I think about the people that used to be a big part of christmas that are no longer here, and how strangely... accepting it is to move on without them in the picture. I mean you choke a little bit when you try to swallow it all in, but eventually it just dissolves in the back of your mind. And I think about who else will fit that mold one day. Oh- it is a beautifully sad holiday. That's all I really wanted to say...
In Love,
Mollie
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gosh ive been thinking about the same thing these past weeks
its so frustrating when i try to find that peace and rest in getting ready for the holidays
its especially discouraging because it seems like the older i get the more worrisome i become
seemingly im always losing sight of the simple joy of being with family and things like that
like the utter day :) i was decorating my christmas tree with my sis and ma, but i sort of was just throwing stuff on, not like i used to. instead i looked at the ornaments and noticed something different about them, they had aged and gotten somewhat "ugly". i don't mean it like that, but (sigh) its just sad to see things change.
at least we always have the music
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