You should know,

You taught me how to love people.

It's hard to believe really, the way you made Jesus so real to me. I hardly knew you when we first talked about the beauty of our minds.. but seeing you weep because of it told me everything
and I never really let you go. It was a gradual thing, the way you seeped into my heart. Right down to the core of who I was - you saw all of the ugliness inside of me, and you bore every pain with silent listening. I really believed the things we lived for then, in the most pure way that I think I could.. in the most selfless way that I think I ever could.

you showed me how to forget myself.

you challenged my spirit! My settled, sleeping bones weren't satisfied with the ways of the world, all because of the way you let Jesus live inside of you. The way that He touched people through you.. the sweet nostalgia and the painful attempt to get to know my heart,

you told me that everyone wants to be known.

and you knew me because I let you in.. I let you into the brokenness around me when it wasn't even fair. Maybe I let you too close.. but I saw Jesus so close to me in the most real way. I saw Him so early in the morning that the horizon was still pink, I saw Him in the dead of the afternoon in a familiar coffee shop, I saw Him in the middle of the night in a chocolate chip waffle.. You taught me what fellowship meant. It was the painful growing that got me there. You assured me that it was okay to let my mind wander and skitter away, and you never thought that my thoughts were too 'out there'... so for the first time in my life I didn't feel alone.

And then I let you go.

a little at a time, and I saw it draining by..at first the sting was too much to feel, so I just suppressed it all and became so recluse and eventually I choked it all down. I continued to live day by day, week by week, month by month...I see you sometimes and your eyes are like glass. No more late night words. It always hurt me to see you hurting, but I never felt like I deserved to give you anything.. because I always took more than I gave and some nights I couldn't sleep because of it -but other nights I couldn't sleep because of the joy in my heart. I never knew I could be so happy that I physically could not sleep. Someone once told me that you'll always know those people that make such a strong impact in your life that they aren't made to stay in your life..and I always knew you'd leave. Like that night in the car. Like smoke in the trees.
So I just want to say thank you,
you're heart is so big that it breaks for everyone,
your heart is so big that I couldn't help but be changed by you and what is inside of you
I couldn't help but be changed by the Holy Spirit, so please know that Your prayer that you always pray has been answered in more ways than one:
He uses you, He used you in my life and I will always be thankful.
<3