conversation

i'd rather stay quiet and not let it be said, i'd rather let it be floating around me where it's still beautiful and limitless than let it be stale and familiarized. I can't understand the way it feels sometimes, and I know they can't either. Its too painful and exhausting to try and make everyone understand, it just reinforces loneliness. We sit around in circles and begin to talk, we talk about things we want to talk about and things we don't, we talk about adventures of the heart, we talk about sadness and joy and enthusiastic moments, fears and laughter, and when the layers unravel we share memories that have faded and aren't so significant to the outside, but mean so much at the same time. We remember things that no one else can relate to even if they wanted to, but there is comfort in their willingness to listen anyway, to see our painted images the best that they can and to smile at our stories that are absurd but sometimes beautifully simple.

It's a peaceful energy, its selflessness, its love. It connects us to intricate thoughts that we may never remember again, and how funny it is that something in our lives once meant so much and now struggles to be forgotten. There is something mesmerizing about the state of childhood, and everyone loses themselves in trying to get back to that place. The place when you were a child where you first connected the feeling of sadness with something sad, and your emotional maturity was so outside of yourself that it shocked you, because you were able to put something solid with a feeling. What was it that made your eyes stream with innocence and sadness? Its something beautiful and selfless, what was it that made you cry that wasn't about yourself at all but purely out of love for someone else? It is the fall of man that brings loneliness and confusion, an inability to be fully in fellowship with another, an isolation due to the illusions we create, materialistic walls and masks, taught to be composed and rhythmically in tune with the world, and enslavement to our own fears and society boundaries.

But in the brokenness of those moments isn't it so beautiful that we see God is so good, isn't it God that shows me, the desire of man is to be pure in Love, one in Spirit and community, because we weep for others, because we feel that tug on our hearts in the darkness even as children that are alien to such real concepts?! So we spend the rest of our lives in circles with each other, sometimes at functions or events, around bonfires, at park benches or looking up at the stars, we spend our lives searching the depths of each other with an aching to know one another the way that the God of the Universe knows us, and to see into the windows of our souls what little moments broke us and then made us whole again, how significant they really are...

theres something so real about it all that i almost don't want to make it known, just let it float above our heads like the memories we will soon forget, the emotions we are soon to feel, and the interwoven love that we are soon to pass on..