two ideals

Coffee is pouring out my ears
It's the only thing they have in here
And my heart stops beating
Number tree still on my plate
I heard the trains are running late
And I laugh out loud
My life is a mess
I have gone too far
In my lifelessness
-Emiliana Torrini

I was talking with a good friend - you know, the three in the morning kind of talks when the lights are out and you can hear so sharply through the night that it is almost piercing and you can't see their faces but it makes you feel so close to them at the same time...
She told me it dawned on her that most christians are after these two ideals:
One is to live a life after God's own heart. Completely surrendered not worrying about this world's desires. The other is a life defined by worldy success, or rather a "picture perfect" life in whatever way that may be, not necessarily rich but comfortable, desiring to be pretty, have a pretty husband, have a pretty family and a pretty job and a pretty life style. She said that its these two ideals that for some reason, we think we can have both of them. By packing on my make up and buying the most expensive clothes there is and saying that I follow Jesus is letting seekers know that it's okay to hold onto that other life, its letting them know that you can have both. And you can have both, but its not a full surrender, there will always be something holding you back. She said she was at a conference FULL of Godly women, and looking at them she realized. They were plastic, completely colored by the tanning bed and bleached teeth and curled eyelashes, talking about how we must truly believe that God can satisfy all of our needs. When will the world not consume me? what will it take? Then later the same night my other friend showed me a song that was so beautiful and so convicting for some reason.

used to be one of
the rotten ones
and I liked you for that
now you're all gone
got your makeup on
and you aint coming back
bleeching your teeth
smile like a flash
talking trash under your breath
or under my window
park that car
drop that phone
sleep on the floor
dream about me
- Broken Social Scene

are we all made to be radical with the way we are living? For some reason there is something in the way right now, and it's a little unsettling. I can't keep still about it.

i'm really only sure of this..

When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
Of the road, turn out the lights,
get out and look up at the sky
And I do this to remind me that I'm really, really tiny
In the grand scheme of things and sometimes this terrifies me
But it's only really scary cause it makes me feel serene
In a way I never thought I'd be because I've never been
So grounded, and so humbled, and so one with everything
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything
- Kimya Dawson